I went into the ‘my year’ mood around the end of December, when everyone else inspired me. I’ve read so many reviews of 2017 that I found so inspirational. I knew I had had such a tremendous year myself, but mine wasn’t finished yet. My new year started yesterday, on the first on March. And I somehow feared writing about it. Not sure why, perhaps because I feared I would never be able to put it in words. So let me do just that, with the caveat that, no matter what I do and how I put it, I cannot bring the emotions here fully. And that warning goes for me first, for when I’m reading this ten years from now. Anyway, let’s.
It truly was the beginning of our Life 2.0 here, in Canada, in Mississauga, somewhere right between Toronto and Niagara Falls, as I like to locate it.
This time last year we had our four big suitcases and four small suitcases, had sold our flat, and had no idea what was going to be in our lives thereon, we only had a wild idea that yeah, we’re going for it! Looking back at all the things we accomplished in one year, I get so emotional I need to stop writing, because it’s a time travel all over again, with tears, smiles and all the rest. I sometimes look at us when we’re all at home in the evening and picture us this time last year. And I smile, and I know we’re good, eh?:)
It was the year I found my definition of taking action: ‘walking over fear’. Because it was the year I discovered how many things I feared, how many were keeping me in place and how many are still there, waiting for me to either try to walk away from them or walk all over them. But I now know, I cannot walk away from fear, no matter how much I pretend I do. If I don’t know what it is and where it comes from, it simply follows me everywhere I go. So I look it in the eyes and take it for a walk. That’s what I’ve done the whole of 2017.
It was the year I discovered the me that wanted freedom, and once I had it, it was so much of it and so sudden, that I was afraid of it! What was I supposed to do with all this freedom? What do you mean do whatever I want to do, what I’ve always dreamt of doing?! It takes so much discipline to be free! And it scared me! So I did it.
There was the me that had a billion ideas and who started to actually put them into practice, and THAT was scary! What if it doesn’t work? What if no one needs what I’m offering? What if it’s not good enough? What if there’s no one who needs to hear what I have to share? And what if there is?
There was that me who, in the year when I hardly made any money, accomplished so many of my professional dreams, more than I could have ever thought of! And that was frightening! What if my dreams are just dreams and nothing more? What if it’s not going to happen? What if I’m not realistic? What do you mean you want to speak at TEDx? What do you mean you want to have your own website? What do you mean you want to write articles? What YouTube channel? Oh, and give me a break with your own podcast? What if this all is just wishful thinking? And what if it isn’t?
And somewhere behind the me who thought ‘ah, come on, really, who do you think you are’, I found the me who started to think ‘oh, what the heck, let’s just put myself out there’, and that was paralyzing! Yet slowly, but surely, I did just that. And realized that no, no one cares about the things you don’t do. But some people will care about the stuff that you do do.
So I now have the me who is not afraid of fear anymore. And this me knows that I fear because I care. And that thought suddenly lifts the weight of impossibility off my mind and allows me to move again. I can take a step. And then another. And then slowly walk. All over fear.